my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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