i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
