This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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