Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
