My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
