I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
