You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I think I died a long time ago.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
