ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
