you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
