I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
