By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
