I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
