I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
