Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
