dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
