i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
