My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
