I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
i now understand why vodka
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
