i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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