I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
