i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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