I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
