so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
