Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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