My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
