I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Randomize
