oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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