Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
