There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
