i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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