He disabled his match.com account in front of me
no, he came in my armpit
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
