He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
