the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
