Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Randomize
