We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
