Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
