After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I will be naked everywhere
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
