I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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