Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
