Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
id be glad to
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
