This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
