If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
