Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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