I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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