I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
