I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
