hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I didn't notice because vodka
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
