we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Randomize
