Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
