Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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