Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
