Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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