we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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